My Bearded Crutch

I had a small epiphany this evening. I don't know exactly how it came to me, but I don't like my beard as much as I thought I did. What the hell does this have to do with anything?  A lot actually. 

I've had a horrible self image since I was a kid. I've always been made fun of for being a nerd or being fat. I can handle the nerd side of things but not being called fat. I did what every other fat kid would do. I shoved those feelings down deep with more food and self loathing. 

As an adult, the taunting stopped as my peers matured past name calling, but the feelings never stopped building up inside. One summer, I decided to grow a beard for no particular reason and discovered I had some freakish beard growing genetics. People eventually started coming up to me in public just to tell me how awesome the beard was. I loved the attention so much that I always kept a beard, although sometimes short, after that. 

But beards are a pain in the ass. They shed. The get in everything you eat or drink. They get tangled in things. At times, mine would whip me in the eyes if I drove with the windows down!  I have to groom it constantly by washing it with special shampoos, rubbing special oils in it, and brushing it out a few times a day. 

The beard has been my crutch for my self image problem. I figured that if people at least liked my beard enough, they'd overlook how big I was. It was true in some small part. Eventually I was just known as that guy with the beard and not the big guy.

Now I'm trying to change how I view myself and as that happens others will change their views too. So.... The beard had to go. Most of it anyway. I want to be able to see past the furball on my face and see the active changes in me. I've lost 35+ pounds but I'm still gonna be that big guy with the beard unless I remove it from the equation. 

Yes, I'll probably go back to being recognized for my size rather than my facial hair again, but I'm ok with that. I'd rather people noticed my size and comment on how much smaller I am than I used to be. This weight loss is only going to happen once and I want to be known for it... Not my beard. 

Keeping Momentum

In my past weight loss experiences, I've had a lot of trouble keeping momentum.  I'd work really hard on eating right and exercising, but then I'd hit that first plateau.  The scale would all of a sudden just freeze right where it was at for at least a week.  I would inevitably start feeling like a failure and just give up.  I'd feel like crap again, all while the weight I lost slowly crept back on to my body.  I think this is the case for a lot of people, especially those that are considered (morbidly) obese like me.  You spend your whole life being the fat guy/girl, and when you finally get the balls to do something about it...  CRASH! 

I've learned the hard way, many times in fact, that if you don't plan ahead and allow yourself those days or weeks that seem like nothing is happening, you will fail.  Every. Single. Time.  You MUST cut yourself a little slack and prepare for the plateaus (plural).  You can't escape this fact.  When you're as big as I am though, and you finally take those steps into bettering yourself, you can get a little bit of tunnel vision.  You only see the here and now and the very short term future.  "What will the scale say tomorrow?  What about the next day?"  We think in terms of immediate results because we've been this way for so long that we get too eager to see the changes in our bodies. 

We're told that all you have to do is eat healthier and get a little exercise and then everything will be ok.  You'll lose weight.  Easy peasy, right?  They fail to tell you about the challenges you'll face in the process.  The fights with willpower that can come late at night, when all you can think about is eating something sweet.  The struggles with breathing as you try to take that jog through the park. Most importantly, the challenge of staying on this "easy peasy" path for the rest of your life, when all you've ever known is a sedentary lifestyle.

I've been on this little journey since April 1st and have hit a few plateaus and road bumps along the way.  I've sneaked my way through a McDonald's drive-thru a few time to scarf down something that would satisfy a craving.  I've sat around the house many days, knowing full well that I should be out taking a run or doing a workout at the gym.  I've made plenty of excuses for stuff like this my whole life!  I'm a damn professional at it.  But even after I've done something to screw up my diet or skipped out on my exercise, I've maintained the promise I made to myself at the beginning of this trek:

"I WILL fuck up!  I WILL cheat!  I WILL have plateaus or even weight gains!  This is OK!  I WILL NOT give up because of it!"

It's been a simple mantra that has somehow changed my life so much in the past couple months.  I hold no copyright to it, so please feel free to adopt it as your own.

I've been on a small plateau for a little over a week or two.  My weight went up 4-6 pounds throughout the week, and it got me a little depressed.  I didn't let it derail me though.  Want to see proof?

This is from this morning.  Down more than 3 pounds from before my plateau!

When you feel like a failure...  When you start thinking that you just can't do it...  Do it anyway!  You will prevail over this obstacle.  It's not just positive thinking.  It's a fact!  I am proof of it.

On a side note: 
With the help of one of my coaches and a few resistance bands, I did my first pullup today.  Yea, I know...  I'm pretty awesome...  Thanks for noticing.

Setting a few goals.

I think it's about time for me to set some short and long term goals. I mean, I have some obvious ones already, like losing 123 pounds. I need to break that down into sections and time frames, as well as adding a few more. 

Starting Weight: 322 lbs. (April 1st)

Current Weight: 288 lbs. (-34 lbs.)

Goal Weight: 199 lbs. (-123 lbs.)

Now the hard part is breaking that down into manageable and obtainable chunks. I lost my first 25 pounds in about 4 weeks. That's pretty fast but not sustainable. There's no way I can continue losing 25 lbs. a month without starving to death. So what's a reasonable amount?  I'm going to set my first deadline to Sept. 1st. I'd like to see myself down to 250 by then. I know, I know... 38 lbs in 2.5 months isn't going to be easy. Hell, that's an understatement. It's going to be very hard! That's the point though, isn't it?  You have to set goals to the upper limit of your capabilities. Otherwise, you're cheating yourself out of your potential. 

Through healthy diet and my crossfit along with my running, I most certainly can do it. I have an awesome support system here at home with my girlfriend and from my CrossFit family, as well as my friends and family that are scattered across the country (and a few across the world!). 

Weight isn't the only metric to set a goal by. I'm going to be setting several CrossFit goals in the near future as I learn the ropes. I don't know where I stand on a lot of things in the gym yet, so it would be counterproductive to set goals right now. 

Sept. 28th is the Fort 4 Fitness marathon. I'm registering for the 1/2 marathon. My goal is going to be just to finish at this point. As time gets closer, I can try to gauge my running times and possibly set a finish time goal as well. 

Long term goals are next. First and foremost is my total weight loss goal of 123 lbs. I think July 1st of 2014 is a good date. Why? I don't know. Just roll with it for me. 

I have a very clear crossfit goal on this one. Memorial Day next year... Memorial Day Murph. I'm going to do the whole thing as prescribed. No modifications. Weight vest included. That's a done deal. I'm not even going to concern myself with a time... Just finish it!

Along the way I'll set more goals as necessary. I'll also set some rewards for reaching them. New clothes will be the most satisfying thing I can think of for each weight loss goal. 

That's all I have for now. Have any goal ideas for me? Leave them in the comments! 

1st official WOD

I was finally able to pull the trigger and pay for my membership to my CrossFit gym 2 weeks ago. The problem was that the 2 week on ramp or "Foundations" classes fell right on a week that I was going to be out of town. Thankfully, my coaches squeezed me in a few extra days with more time to learn the different movements I would need to master. Basically, we fit a 2 week schedule into 1 week. 

We came back home on Friday night and would have loved go do the Saturday WOD, but all the coaches were out of town volunteering at the Central East CrossFit Regionals for the weekend. The WOD would have to wait, but only for a couple days. 

Tonight was my first "official" WOD. I had done a few 1/2 WODs, including Murph, in the last few weeks, but they were like exhibition matches. Yea the work is there, but they just seemed like just practice. I don't mean they weren't difficult or even brutal, because they were, but something made me feel like they just didn't count. Like a boxer or mma fighter, exhibition matches don't count on their record. Same thing for me. 

We warmed up with some stretches and moved into some back squat work. I wasn't there last week when everyone worked on finding their maximum back squat weight, so that's what I did. There were a few of us that needed to do that and space was limited, so we partnered up a bit and shared a barbell. We each took turns, slowly adding more weight after each rep. When we found a weight that we could only do 1 squat with, we knew it was our maximum. 

By the time we finished up, it was time to start the daily WOD. Today it was overhead squats and lateral burpees. It would be 10 rounds of 11 reps total. We'd do 10 squats and 1 burpee. 9 squats and 2 burpees. 8 squats and 3 burpees.......and finish with 1 squat and 10 burpees. I struggled with the overhead squats at first because my legs were already mushy from the back squats. 10 reps was tough as hell! Luckily, the next round I only had to do 9. The burpees were easy in the beginning. I only had to do 1 in the first round, 2 in the second, 3 in the third, etc. But burpees are the bane of most CrossFitters. As the rounds got easier with few squats, they got exponentially harder with the burpees. By the 6th round I wanted to quit so bad!  

For a few seconds, while I was catching my breath and wiping the stinging sweat from my eyes, I actually considered it. I was done. I am sooo out of shape compared to the athletes in my gym. I must have been thinking out loud though, because out of no where a few of the guys working out near me started calling out my name. "You got this Rick!"  "Almost there man!"  Once again, that sense of community that made me fall in love with this sport slapped me back from the ether and into the task at hand. All that sense of doubt washed away and left no trace. I may finish last, but damn it, I'll finish strong. 

And I did. And not even last... But to be fair, last place was a very fit and very pregnant regular.

If any of the folks from CrossFit Praus are reading this, I want to say thank you. Every single person I've had the chance to talk to, either in person or even online, has been so friendly and supportive and welcoming. I am here to stay for a long time. You guys are awesome!  

On a side note: week one of our paleo challenge went very well. Even while in a hotel all week, we found ways to eat fresh fruits and veggies, lean meats, and healthy fats, while avoiding grains, dairy, and sugar. I know I've lost several pounds as a result. More on this as the challenge continues. 

30 pounds down in this pic!!!

Paleo Challenge

I've been trying to eat healthy for about 2 months, and it's paid off so far.  I'm down 28 pounds and I am fitting into clothes a little better.  I've been doing what everyone says I should.  Counting calories, logging everything, avoiding fatty foods, etc...  My gym, however, has issued a challenge to its members (and non-members too).  Can you eat like a caveman?


It's called the Paleo diet.  I had never heard of it until about a year ago when my good friend joined a CrossFit gym and did this same challenge.  It's the simplest of simple when it comes to how to eat.  "Paleo" refers to paleolithic, as in cavemen.  Back in the good ol' days when neanderthals ruled the land, there were only a few sources of food: anything they could hunt, or anything they could pluck from a tree/shrub/root.  That's pretty much it.  Supposedly, the human digestion system hasn't truly evolved enough to process all the crap we eat today.  Everything is either pre-packaged with tons of chemicals, or covered in pesticides, or injected with hormones.  You see where I'm going with this?

Our challenge is to mimic the caveman diet, with a few modern updates such as fire and cooking.  This means no dairy, no grains whatsoever, no sugar except what is naturally in fruits and vegetables, no legumes or starchy foods, and no alcohol.  This may sound pretty extreme and hard to do, and it is, but once you get going with it, you realize how much simpler it really is.  We started in our house officially on Saturday, while the challenge started on Sunday.  We had been eating probably 80% paleo already but hadn't cut out the grains or dairy completely.  What can I say?  I love my cheeses.  We are now getting our calories from eating a lot of lean, protein filled meats, all the vegetables we can, healthy fats from olive or coconut oil and avocados and nuts, and some fruits and berries.  That's it.  Nothing else necessary.  We are drinking water exclusively, although coffee and tea is ok, and we are trying to pick the freshest possible options.  Best part of the paleo diet?  Bacon!  Bacon has been rising in popularity in the past year or 2, and why wouldn't it?  It's the best tasting food in the whole damn world!  I dare you to disagree...  Seriously...  I DARE you!



The goal is to go 8 weeks and measure the changes in our body.  Sometimes that can be hard to quantify, so we all did a baseline workout at the start of the challenge.  In 8 weeks, we will redo the same workout and compare our times.  We also took a few body measurements and weighed in.  Just in case anyone was wondering, I weighed in at 303 but I'm pretty sure I was a little less on my scale at home.  No matter!  I have my starting point set and 8 weeks from now, I'm going to demolish my competition!  I mean that in the friendliest, most sportsmanlike manner possible.  I weighed in this morning at 294 and I believe it!

I have a very good feeling that Maria and I will be making this a permanent change.  We may not be 100% strict, but it'll be close.  We are out of town all week and holed up in a hotel, so we have to be extra careful with the diet.  It's just too easy to say "screw it" and head out somewhere to eat rather than staying in and taking the time to prepare something healthy and proper.  We are lucky enough to have a small kitchenette in our room and access to a few gas grills.  I also have a pool and weight room I can get my exercise in.  I still feel like this is a trial by fire though.  If we can pull it off in a hotel for a week, we can do it forever at home.

I've been thinking of creating a video blog.  I have no idea what I'd talk about yet, so I'm open to any suggestions.