I'm going to try to make this blog more of a daily journal. I usually posted when I had reached a milestone, setbacks, or an epiphany, but not much else. People got to read about my highs and lows but nothing in between. That's the place where most of us spend a lot of our time... In between...
The past several weeks have been a little rough in the health and fitness categories. I had a spinal epidural injection to help with some sciatica and back pain. There was some medical gobbledygook about arthritis and bulging discs but nothing major. It laid me up for a few days but I milked it for a full week. I have only been to the gym a few times since then and the diet has been pretty loose.
Saturday, there was a friendly CrossFit competition at one of the other gyms in order to raise some money for breast cancer awareness/research. Several members of our gym were participating and I decided to go watch and support all the athletes.
As soon as I got there, people were asking me why I wasn't competing. I really don't remember what excuses I gave, but they were most likely lies. Truth? Confidence... I lack it. I still fear the idea of being the fat guy surrounded by all these very fit men and women. I struggle at the gym a lot already, but struggling in front of a crowd scares the crap out of me. This is nothing new and I've shared these feeling on here before, but it's getting tiresome. I did, however, have a great time watching everyone push so hard through 2 of the more famous CrossFit workouts.
Despite my fears, I wished I was out there with them. I'm just getting tired of holding myself back. So many people end up stuck in the same rut their entire lives because they are holding themselves back. Fear of losing. Fear of winning. Fear of rejection. Fear of change. When I say "so many people...", I include myself. It's time for me to step up and face some of those fears right in the eyes. What is the worst thing that could happen? Sometimes I feel as if my life couldn't get any worse, so why the hell don't I shake it up a bit?
I joined CrossFit at the beginning of the summer. That was a MAJOR step for me. Hell, I signed a one year contract at the gym as a way to force my hand a bit if I stopped going. This has been the longest I've spent commiting myself to my health. I've had my ups and downs over the summer, but I never made that typical decision to walk away. Instead of seeing failures, I've been able to see obstacles. I thoroughly enjoy going to the gym (once the workouts are over anyway).
It's almost 2 in the morning, so forgive the bouncing around from topic to topic.
I want to take a moment to thank my coaches. Shane and Amanda Burge have been nothing but amazing to me. They invited me into their gym with open arms. Yes, it's their job, but they genuinely want to help everyone succeed in bettering themselves through healthy living and fitness. So many times, I have struggled with a workout and literally quit. They refused to let me. If I was getting too sore, they would make me do something else to keep me in the workout. When I felt like I couldn't pick up a barbell for the final rounds, Shane has been there to give me a countdown to just pick it up. Amanda has, for some reason, seen potential in me that I have yet to realize. Constantly uttering words of praise, she has helped me build my confidence up, a little at a time. They are an amazing duo and they are the best thing I've found in Ft. Wayne since I moved here. It's not just them though. Anne Duncan has been just as awesome. She is very intimidating with her knowledge, physique, and athleticism, but she is a total package coach. She pushes hard and motivates at the same time. I was always too scared to sign up for her classes until she was filling in for someone. Now, I love going in when she's coaching. Every member that I've had the opportunity to workout with has been phenomenal, as well. No one has an ill thing to say. We all have different backgrounds and goals, but we're all heading in the same direction together. The past few months with all of them have really impacted my life in a great way. I honestly love my new CrossFit family. I look forward to my future there.
(Where the hell did a that come from? I do tend to go off on tangents on here when something pops into my head as I type.)
I really just wanted to get on here go say that I'm back at it on the blog and that I've decided to do a CrossFit competition in the near future thanks to a few people at the gym. I guess I'll end with that.
