Remember Me?

Remember this guy?  It is indeed myself from about 2 months ago.  I had just finished the most physically draining challenge of my life and I felt like I could stop a speeding train with a mere thought.  It was just a few days later that I jumped head first into CrossFit.  I started going 2 days a week because I felt too sore to go any more, but as the soreness got more bearable I didn't ramp up my activity.  I fell into that rut I posted about a few weeks ago and haven't been able to climb out.  Last week I was hit with a migraine after the Monday morning WOD and have been in a slow recovery ever since.  I've been physically unable to workout and it's showing on the scale.  I've gained a little weight and it's making me a little anxious to get back at it.  The fact that my diet hasn't been up to par with my expectations doesn't help either.

I'm going to try to make it in to the gym tonight for my return workout.  I'd like to believe that I'm doing a "hard reset" and jump starting my body back into high gear.  I've pointed out a few times that I knew ahead of time that I'd have failure moments but knew I could move past them.  Honestly?  I'm at that point right now and looking for a way to forgive myself for falling.  It's harder than usual this time.  I genuinely felt like this was my moment.  This was the time I was going to really turn things around.  I held myself to a higher standard, and now that I'm regressing, I've got a longer fall.

I'm writing this blog as a sort of parachute though.  The accountability I've built with it is going to be my key to success.  By letting others know what is going on inside my head, I can try to force myself to keep going through the fear of disappointing others.  It may be just a bandaid but I think it'll be enough to keep me from hemorrhaging out and completely failing.  And it's not going to be enough to just keep going forward.  I need to advance past the idea of doing "just enough".  Yea, my goal is to lose a bunch of weight, but that truly isn't enough.  I want to set an example to others.  I want my kids to be able to say more than, "My daddy used to be fat, but now he's not."  I want there to be a fucking story behind it!  I want that story to be unique from all the other weight loss stories.  "I watched what I ate and exercised regularly and eventually lost weight...."  Blah blah blah blah...  It's the same story 90% of the time, but I feel like I have more to offer than that.

So now that I've got that off my chest, I want to re-evaluate and adjust and add a few goals:

Goal weight:  < 200lbs
Goal deadline: July 1st, 2014
Secondary Goals:
     1: 2014 Memorial Day Murph Rx'd
     2: Do a muscle up before Murph
     3. Fort4Fitness 1/2 marathon - Sept. 2013
     4. GoRuck Challenge - Oct. 2013
     5. I have a biggie here, so I may hang on to it for a bit before I decide to share it.

So if you see me out and about, feel free to ask how my workout plan and weight loss is going.  I want your help to keep me in check and focused on these goals.  Don't be afraid to give me a little crap if you think I'm slacking.  I'll try not to get butt hurt over it.  I have a few other things in my life to work out other than my physical health, but that's something for another blog maybe.  Other than that, I'm done here.

 I'm also going to try to update this blog a little more often than I have been.

In a Rut

The title says it all. The scale does too. I fell off the paleo bandwagon a little while back and have no desire to get back on. That is actually not my issue. I just don't like it. I liked what I was doing before the paleo challenge. Eating lots of fruits and vegetables, lean meats, fish, healthy fats, and whole grains. I love my grains and my cheese, both of which are no-nos in the paleo universe. I know my CrossFit coaches are gonna be mad but it's just not for me. I've also come across a few studies that claim that the paleo lifestyle could even be harmful for people with blood pressure and cholesterol problems like me. Now I just have to get back on the path I was on before, but lately I've been having a few "cheat days" that have strung themselves together. The scale doesn't lie. I screwed up...

So now I'm trying to get that original mindset that put me on the weight loss journey to begin with. I need to ramp up my workouts from twice a week to 3 times a week, as well. I got complacent with my diet when I started actually doing the CrossFit WODs. I treated it as a "one-or-the-other" situation: diet OR exercise. This lapse of judgement has proved costly. I'm gaining weight back. I need that double whammy I'd get from working out AND eating right. I already knew that before I started but simply got lazy. 

Consider this my public apology to myself. It's times like this that are the reason I promised not to give up when I screw up. Normally I'd throw all the progress I've made down the drain and go back to my old ways. I used to see things like this as a wall rather than a hurdle. I tripped over the hurdle but the race goes on.