I'm not really too sure what I want to write about in here, but I know I need to just write something. It's been a few weeks since I've posted anything. That's probably because I've had nothing I wanted to share. I don't like to share the negative feelings I get. I thought that my blog would be a great outlet for me to express my feelings, good and bad alike, with others so that I may hold myself accountable for my actions... Or lack thereof.
A few months back, I (re)created this page with the full intention of writing in it at least once or twice a week. I was doing pretty well at first. I was finding a lot of motivation to eat healthy and exercise regularly and I wanted to share/brag about it. I was losing weight and for the first time ever I felt like it was finally my time to bust down some of these walls that I've built around me, keeping me from reaching some of my potential. I joined a CrossFit gym, started eating clean, and ditched all my junk food.
Complacency set in though. I started getting lazy again with the diet. "I worked out hard today. I deserve a little treat." That's always how it starts: trade-offs. Eventually, the complacency creeps into the trade-offs, too. Soon, I was right back to where I started. The one place I swore I'd never be again... Sure, I go to the gym a few times a week, but I'm not fueling my body with clean and healthy foods. My workouts are just enough to keep me from gaining weight at this point.
Some of you know how this can make a person feel. Like a complete failure, of course. Now I know what people will say. "You're not a failure! Get back on track. You can do it!" As true as these statements are, it doesn't change the way my brain is looking at it. I started this journey with the resolution that no matter how many times or how hard I fell, I would just get back up and push forward. It's one thing to say something, but something completely different to mean it wholeheartedly.
So now I'm just sitting here rambling, feeling sorry for myself. I feel like if I put it to paper (or e-paper) I can kick start my motor. This car is rolling downhill and all I need to do is pop the clutch to get it going and turn around. I'm putting this message into the ether of the internet so that others can see that there are people out there going through the same things they are. So many people are struggling to keep their motors running or are just cruising on fumes. Maybe that's where I'm really at. On fumes.
Where does that leave me? I know I can pick things up and get back on track. I know it. Now I just have to believe it.
I want to leave everyone with a video I came across this morning that started me on this babbling post in the first place. This girl came across the very same video that started me down the weight loss journey and decided to make her own version of it. Maybe in a year from now I'll be able to post my own video. I promise to set it to some Coldplay or some other music to hit people right in the feels.
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